But I'm sprawled on my couch trying to double dutch a John Greeen novel and a Chimamande.
It's one of those days where I can't pick what type of melancholy I'd rather swim in tonight.
My playlist is of the classic kind -- Violin mostly. And boy, how I miss having a glass of wine to perfect the mood, especially tonight, when all I want to do is zone out.
I share a wall with a very religious family; a very thin wall in fact. I call them The Portnoys, from that fat character Jack Black plays in Tropic Thunder -- becauase they are all rather rotund. You can hear them singing hymns early in the morning - and in early I'm talking, four, five AM early. Or sometimes it's speaking in gutteral tongues. Today however, I'm listening to a very different chatter; the very uncomfortable altercation between... I think its the dad and what sounds like a girl with an Alto or guy with a Tenor -- I'm not sure which. He, or she sounds about 12, maybe a bit younger.
The discussion, from what I am privvy to, when they speak loudly enough, has to do with a percieved disrespect by the child and from the dad's raised voice, and a few yelps I heard not too long ago, he's deciding a fitting punishment, while biding his time with 'physical lessons'.
At first, I thought it was some kind of domestic violence, and I was ready to get over there and stop them before I gleaned some context from snatches of conversation carried through the hollow dividing wall.
I have no choice in the matter. These apartments were made on a miserly budget.
Now the last time the notion of lifting a hand to a child came up, I decided it was really dependent on the culture. I'm not entirely sure 'time out' or 'being grounded' works, but I'm not convinced resulting to slaps sends the right message all the time either.
Coming from a family where I was physically disciplined as a child, I'm very much of two minds on the subject. On one hand, there is no denying my character was enhanced by the discipline I gained, on the other, I'm not entirely sure the slaps were it.
Now listenining in, it is clear from the child's screaming, 'I am sorry' in an equal measure of defiance and regret (Or at least, dread), that the lesson won't be receieved this day. Now, I don't know how trucculent this particular person is, but I've known some mates of mine who had a mind of their own, and who got the Lion's share of the caning for it. And talking to them years later, it is clear it didn't take.
On the flip side, there were meek children who simply found themselves on the wrong side of the teacher and got a caning here and there. I should know. I was one. And if anything, it made me more scared of the cane than bringing to mind the error of ways.
Now listening in again, it is quite clear that the punishment being issued by the 'dad' is as much borne out of a need to put the child in his place as it is to regain some ego after the child's disrespect.
Education and character building are only implied.
Put simply, I'm not sure it comes from the right mindset, and so I can't imagine it sending the right signal to the recepient of this 'education'.
It's not as simple as saying, 'don't beat kids'
Like with any form of leadership, you shouldn't reveal all of your hand.
If like Batman, everyone knows you won't kill, then the offenders will be running circles around you, won't they?
But I doubt it is keeping a child in fear that some day you just might beat them, either. If all I've written means anything, it's that, although historically true for our species, amongst ourselvels, fear of punishment may not be the best way to get a lesson across.
Frankly, if there are reasons I have no intention whatsoever of bringing human life into this world, It is from this very dillema.
Everyone acts like they know exactly what they are going to do as parents.
'As for me, I'm going to beat my kids', they say with the conviction of a data-anylist.
Almost no one has a clue. There is no scientific book that exists that is based on anything more than a school of thought. And I'm not sure I can play cha cha with another human's life when
The very reason for willing them into existence in the first place is entirely about self-gratification,
Especially because the jury's out on which set of parents are able to accurately read their child's temperaments and personality -- and which completely suck at it. The implications of which may determine that child's entire life.
At least we ought to start pruning the edges of this thing called 'parenting'.
If not for their sake, for the future of the human race.
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